Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
