Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
