i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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