Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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