I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
