I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
