I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
