there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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