Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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