My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
