My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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