i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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