The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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