Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
