I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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