It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
