My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
