Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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