Your face is a jimmy john
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
