Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
