She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
