Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
