The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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