i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
