the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
