I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
