I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Everclear isn't food dammit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
