OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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