How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize