I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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