just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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