i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
