We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize