okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
