My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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