THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She bit a glass in half.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
