the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
