i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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