i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
