I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
