I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
