Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
