I will die if light touches me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
