Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
