I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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