he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
