Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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