I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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