I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this just has baby written all over it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize