The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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