youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
