Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
