I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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