I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
