dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
