census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
