he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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