Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
