How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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