I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
