Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize