Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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