Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
