I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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