Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's shark week go big or go home
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
