Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
