Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
