My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize