Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
