You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
