i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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