please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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