I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
