Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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