well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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