a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize