i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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