just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
